It’s such a challenge to make my kids happy. I mean, all at once anyway. It can drive me and Mike nuts actually! How many times have you had a “great” idea that you’re sure will make your kids jump for joy, but then one of them kills the moment with a “Noooo! I don’t like (you fill in the blank)”. It happens in my house all the time!
In fact, it happened just a couple of weeks ago. We were in the grocery store on vacation in Florida. I love/hate these grocery trips. It’s always fun to fill the cart using “play money” and all the unhealthy things we never eat at home. You know, Cheetos, Cheez-Its, sodas full of artificial sweeteners, Oreos, and last but not least ice cream! The kids have learned by now not to beg for items in the grocery because Mom and Dad will lose it on them in public, so when we offer up one of these “fun” items they usually do get pretty excited. That said, we’ve learned what they all like, and can agree on, so we choose those items to avoid making a scene in the chip aisle.
Nearing the end of this shopping experience, I was excited when I saw some specialty ice cream sandwiches. These bad boys had vanilla ice-cream between two delicious looking extra-large soft chocolate chip cookies with M&Ms on top! I mean YUM!!! Mom of the year throwing those suckers in the cart, right?! BUT… the 8-year-old! I was beyond shocked when she cried “Noooo. I don’t like those!” I mean, I about got whiplash while resisting the urge to smack her. Not literally, but you get it! I settled for, “Are you kidding me?! You eat these at the pool and LOVE them! Those just don’t have the M&Ms!” She continued the fit insisting I was wrong. It was absolutely ridiculous. Tears, y’all! No joke! And I was fired up. And done!
But this happens all the time. I have this brilliant idea to share something with what I’m sure will be sweet grateful children, and sure enough, someone kills the joy for all involved by not “liking” my genius idea that was an attempt to add a moment of happiness to their life. You just can’t win! And surely this won’t get easier as my 16-month-old twins have an ice cream preference in a couple years. I’m doomed!
What I hate the most about these moments is that the appreciative child in the situation misses out. Because two of them were like, “YES!” Or as my almost 7th grader says, “LET’S GO!” They were pumped! They are offered something that sounds fantastic, and then just like putting candy in front of a baby, the prize is pulled out from in front of their face because someone decided to reject the ice cream sandwich. Yep, just like that, no one gets anything!
I don’t know about you, but I have my vacation grocery shopping down to a science. I can’t stand to throw food away at the end of a trip and I have to keep some sort of budget in place. So, one sweet-treat option is what I’m working with here, folks. Likewise, in this scenario (like many others) it would make zero sense to get something only two kids would like. BUT, this time, and because like any parent we usually know our kids better than they know themselves, I got the M&M ice cream sandwiches anyway knowing she’d love them. Also, I didn’t want to disappoint Will and Abigail, and I knew the babies would only last so long in the grocery before melting down. I’ve learned overthinking decisions like what type of dessert to choose is not a decision worth fretting. Move on, Mama!
Plus, I secretly knew this particular time that Kaitlyn was just super tired from the travel the day before. And, I suppose I should give the girl some slack this time because she did throw up the entire 11-hour car ride down. Yeah, not kidding – fun times! As my older three pointed out in the midst of it, “someone always gets some sort of sick when we go on vacation.” Yep, that’s life with five kids. Anyway, since I figured the child with the sudden ice cream sandwich aversion was a false alarm, I just put them in the cart and ignored the continued crying pleas for something else all the way through check out … and to the car. But really, kids are near impossible to please sometimes, you know? And the more you have, probably the harder it gets. I mean it’s not like I’m saying “hey, kids, how about some broccoli for dessert on vacation?” It’s ice-cream for crying out loud! Any flavor…yes, please! This is when you want to bust out with, “if my mom and dad offered me this when I was your age, I would have never acted this way.” Blah blah blah. Spoiled, right?! Ok, moving on…
But truly, I want my kids to be happy. I bet you do too! I love surprising them here and there with fun treats and activities and seeing their faces light up! But the reality is, nine times out of ten, because I am revealing the surprise to three unique children, I get different responses. And sure enough, someone isn’t happy. But, if we all have different likes and interests, how can we expect to get the same response to each offer? Except for the time when we announced I was having another baby. Now that was awesome! They were all super excited! And then when we shared it was TWINS! Now THAT was a moment I’ll never forget! THAT was a memory with a collectively happy response from each that, no joke, brings tears to my eyes when I watch the video we took to capture the memory.
But because God made each of my kids so uniquely and apparently different, and because they have such varying interests, I’ve always wanted to prioritize individual time with each of them. Easier said than done with all our busy schedules, right?? But I’ve always hoped someday to start the tradition. Of course, I really do I try hard to pull each of them aside as often as I can and affirm them with encouraging words that speak specifically to them. We actually still tuck them in at night individually and I tend to speak with different tone and using different words to each of them.
Also, by default, I occasionally end up in the car with just one of them on the way to a sports’ practice or when picking them up from a friend’s house. But when it comes to intentional individual experiences, “dates” so to speak, we haven’t planned a lot of those. One-on-one “fun” outings that we share with them in advance to ramp up their excitement and let them know we thought about them enough to plan something special just for them.
My parents did this with us as kids and they are some of my fondest childhood memories. I honestly can’t remember how often we did it, and maybe is was only a couple times, but it doesn’t matter, we did it! And I remember I felt so special and individually valuable. Kids crave that and need that from their parents. Even as an adult I have spent these moments with my parents and they meant the world to me. I’ll never forget my lunch date with my dad one-on-one right before my oldest daughter was born. So if you have adult children and never did this when your kids were at home, it’s definitely not too late.
At the beginning of the summer we asked the kids if they had any summer bucket list items. This conversation helped us recognize what was important to them and gave us some guidance for some summer fun activities we could plan to create some memories. We are “experience” people. I will spend money I don’t have all day on experiences to create memories as a family. Time together when they are smiling and laughing just fills me up, mostly because I see how it’s filling them up inside. Oh the joy! And, oh the reminder of how blessed I am! So this week, on my husband’s “staycation” from work, we decided we would take each out separately.
I’m really looking forward to it and am actually writing this before we even take them out. I plan to report back my findings from “dating my kids”. I already know this though, they are probably more excited about this than they are our beach vacation with the whole family at the end of the summer, so that’s pretty telling. Interestingly, my oldest daughter recalled this morning, “I remember doing this when you and Dad took me by myself to that little restaurant down the street where Cassie (my niece) was working!” That was five years ago, friends! It was after her preschool graduation and she was only FOUR! But, she remembers it! And I do too! I can still see her sweet little face sitting all by herself across the table from us. I remember thinking how grown up she was starting to look, and how much she was beaming having her busy mommy and daddy all to herself. What a memory!
I’m looking forward to spending time with each of them one-on-one and learning a little more about their individual sweet souls. As selfish as it may seem, I know how much I wanted time with my parents alone to feel special without them being distracted by my siblings. Those moments your parents have all their loving eyes on you, moments they smile and look you right in your eyes with a look that says you are their whole world. Those are the moments we all long for.
Maybe you can set aside some time for each of your kids before the summer is over. If you do, let me know how it goes! We can learn from each other. Either way, I look forward to reporting back in next week’s blog entry what I learned from the experience, about each of individual kids mine and the responses I got. I can assure you of this, the planning of this has already paid off. The anticipation is half the fun of ANY experience, right?! And I get to see the smiles of excitement all week. …Priceless!
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