I have a feeling before you even opened this you likely already came up with your “go to” excuses why you and your hubby (or wife) haven’t been able to “getaway” together. If that’s you, what I have to say might push a few buttons, but friends, I hope you’ll read on anyway. Truth be told, I haven’t mastered keeping my mouth shut when I am passionate about something, and I just so happen to be super passionate about building strong marriages. I’ll even be bold enough to take it a step further… I just so happen to think what I have to say has value on this topic. And truthfully, don’t you think this world needs a few more people who aren’t afraid to stand up and speak out about things that might just help others and in fact, might just even change the world?

If you’re looking for a mushy article about a romantic fairy tale and how to get “that loving feeling” back, this won’t be quite that. I do, however, have some bold challenges and suggestions that if you open your heart to them, might possibly add back a few sparks that have been lost in your relationship over the years.

The truth is… Marriage is hard. I’m going to say that again in case you missed it. Marriage is H.A.R.D And… newsflash! You and your spouse are not the only ones who fight! You aren’t the only ones who feel like things will “never” change. You aren’t the only ones who have wondered if the grass is greener elsewhere. And if none of this describes you, and you think your marriage is easy and you never have issues – get ready! Must be you’ve only been married for like a week-ish, and I promise, it’s coming. And if you’ve been married longer and haven’t had conflict, then, I hate to say it,  you probably need counseling. Because likely one of you is bottling up a bunch of “stuff.” No two people are 100% alike, friends! So conflict of personalities is inevitable. And no one, not even YOU, is perfect. Yep, you’re going to mess up. And sorry to say, he’s going to mess up too. And because you aren’t perfect and he’s not perfect, your ever changing personality will inevitably rub your spouse the wrong way, hurt their feelings or possibly even heat them up till they boil over. This is normal! Sigh of relief. …You are normal! But, what’s not normal is “no conflict.” Having no conflict surely means someone has an issue with “stuffing” emotions. Or, the other alternative… they are a pathological liar. Ouch! Either way, someone needs some help working out their internal gunk before they explode or end up living a secret life someday! Ok, I’m getting carried away. Let me bring it back.  The point is… everyone has conflict in a relationship, it’s normal, and marriage is HARD.

So what do you do about the HARD? There are countless solutions that unfortunately most won’t scratch the surface on before giving up too easy. But! Because marriage brings with it so much difficulty and conflict, it’s vitally important to nurture this relationship. My faith is my biggest priority, but next to it, hands down, my relationship with my husband is #1! If this is not true for you, I promise you, you will struggle. And also, sadly, you will not be as happy in marriage as you want to be. 

Spending time together, ALONE, is one of the most effective ways to nurture, rekindle and strengthen your marriage bond. This success of this concept was modeled to me by my parents, and I’m now a first-hand witness from experience in my own marriage over the past 14+ years. In fact, Mike and I just returned yesterday from a four day kid-free vacation. We are recent proud owners of a little one bedroom studio on a slice of the sunny emerald waters on the panhandle of Florida and I’m in love! We’ve actually been dreaming this up on our little getaways together since we first got married – and you must know, bringing your dreams to life is one of life’s great joys! But what I really want you to know here, is that our time spent together the past four days was “priceless” and I’m going to begin with that…

My Top 10 Reasons You Need a Getaway:

1. Experiences are Priceless. You can’t afford not to.
2. Distractions at home hinder connection.
3. Remember you like each other – and you like YOU!
4. You’re tired. You need a break. You deserve it. 
5. Memories strengthen friendship.
6. Dream of your future together.
7. Example to your kids and others.
8. Something to look forward to when life is monotonous. 
9. Appreciate your kids more. 
10. You can’t afford not to.

1. These experiences are Priceless. You can’t afford not to. I mean this! I believe the number one reason couples don’t prioritize time away for extended periods, is money. But if that’s your excuse (it’s mine sometimes too), I think we’re looking at it all wrong. I think we need to start looking at getaways together like “marriage insurance.” Think of this… The majority of you reading this know deep down that you will miraculously find money for things that you need. You need food to survive. You need some clothing. How about insurance? Do most of you think you need health insurance? Car insurance? Friends, I hope you at least have health insurance. And why do you have it? You don’t know you’re going to use it necessarily. You don’t know something is going to happen. In fact, most of you might even take preventative measures to avoid something happening, so you never actually need the insurance money anyway. Basically, the dollars you’re depositing many times go to the insurance company not to pay your own medical bills. But nevertheless, you have it “just in case”.
   
   What’s my point? My point is, what if we didn’t invest deposits of value into our marriage? What if we don’t sacrifice, spend or invest in things that may add value, connection and growth to your marriage? You may temporarily spend and sacrifice less, but in the end you’ll likely pay and sacrifice so much more! Just like having no insurance. Imagine if you didn’t have health insurance AND you didn’t take preventative health measures? You’re destined to have issues and the bill will be higher later than anything you can afford, right?! You’ll not only be living less than your best life with health issues, you’ll also be in a financial nightmare. Same is true of your marriage. If you invest now, you’ll have a healthier, happier relationship and avoid some major complications that evolve over time when deposits of value are not made regularly. Just ask someone who has been through a nasty divorce how if affected finances (and quality of life) on both sides, short and long term. Yikes!
   
   Most people would surely find money to pay for surgery needed for the health of one of their beloved children. The health of your marriage should be just as important. I’m not saying you have to take an extravagant vacation. Get creative! Start small and make it cheap! Besides, let’s be honest, I bet you can think of something you once splurged on that wasn’t even a need, can’t you? Something you maybe couldn’t even really afford? Well, consider this a need. Marriage insurance should be a need. I wouldn’t even look at it like a splurge. I believe you could find something to invest if you understood the importance. Mike and I actually do budget a little for these getaways… well sometimes. But, I can’t lie… most of the time, I will call a time-out in the midst of our distracted lives, waving a caution flag as if we are the ones who need emergency surgery. In which case, the only option is to find a charge card with a little room, and then we just make it happen. But guess what? Worth every swipe!
   
   
2. Distractions at home hinder connection. How can you expect to stay connected with your spouse with all the ever present distractions constantly swarming around our busy lives. But, while we need to “getaway” from the distractions at home to help us connect, we also need to avoid distractions while away – as in not take them with you. Let me explain… I’ll make this super simple. No distractions means no kids! It means No family, No friends, And… drum roll… NO PHONES! Yep, sweetheart, just you and your honeybee! Even when you’re out around the town – when is the last time you left went on a date with your spouse and left your phone in the car?! If you haven’t, you’ve got to try it! O.M.Goodness! It’s the best thing ever! Freedooom!!!
   
   What’s wrong with us these days, really?! We’re like, “Oh no, I just can’t go without my phone! What if the sitter wants to know if the kids can have a piece of candy? What if little Suzie bumps her knee?” Let me ask you this, what in the world did our parents do without phones? I know what mine did. They left a call list. “Here’s 911 and the poison control line.” Done! Friends, every once in a while, we just need to trust God and let go a little. Leave your phone behind and focus on your spouse. Connection takes focus, and that nasty cell phone completely give most of us immediate A.D.D. Usually the excuse is, “it’s just for Emergency”. Well I hope if there is an “emergency” you’ve told your sitter to call 911 first, not you! Anyway, if you’re at any distance away, which you would normally be on a “getaway”, there’s really nothing you can do. Time for us Mamas to loosen the grip! And Dad’s too. Your marriage will thank you for it. 
   
   Here’s the thing… all the distractions we allow when we are supposed to be connecting with our husband or wife, keep us from actually connecting. At least connecting at any level of significance. It’s as simple as that. The phone sitting right there is so tempting to pick up for 100 different reasons, so get rid of it.
   
   People are distractions too. If you have someone join your date, or your trip, how in the world can you truly connect? I’m not saying you shouldn’t spend time with friends and other people you admire and enjoy. Having fun with and learning from others can be healthy for a relationship too. But, what I’m talking about should come first if you want something solid. I’m talking about the more important need for the one-on-one deep authentic, be yourself, share your heart, grow your bond connection. Think this way, when spending time one-on-one with each other, get rid of anything that could possibly distract you from giving 100% of your mental, emotional and physical attention to “your person”. The purpose is to show them they are more valuable than the distraction. And I hope you think they are, so prove it! That is what they want and deserve. That is what you need to give if you want the results. The “good stuff” in the marriages we all want and admire.
   
   
3. Remember you like each other. Remember you like you. This is one of the most refreshing parts for these getaways. Friends, when your marriage gets filled with all the business stuff that turns a marriage from sweet teenage love to something that looks more like an executive and his secretary, or two business partners that have been working together for years and are just “getting it done,” your “like” for each can get a little stale. And honestly, your like for yourself can get a little stale too. No time for fun and fluff. I’m tired, you’re tired. You know… the kids schedules, their social issues, their health issues, homework and teacher issues… Then there’s bills, and more bills, and jobs, meals to plan, shopping to get done, social obligations, extended family and church or other charitable commitments. Are you exhausted and depressed yet?
   
   Pretty much everyone wants a piece of you and over the years you and your spouse have become a little flat. Your husband may not walk in the door from work with a smile on his face much anymore, and though you love him with all your heart, you don’t like the flatness of your “roommate” who appears to be walking through the motions. Sad part is, on most days you’re not greeting him with a loving energetic smile either. It looks more like, “So glad you’re finally here, can you help with dinner?” This is fun, right?! But let me just warn you, when you getaway, you see smiles! It’s glorious! And it makes you happy! You see a man you fell in love with. And he gets a glimpse of that fun girl he fell in love with. This is the “priceless” I’m talking about! In all honesty, friends, I absolutely live for these getaways, because in this season of life this is about the only time I get to see my husband with so much life. It’s likely the only time he see it in me too. And you know what I remember? …I remember that I really “like” him. And I can tell he “likes” me too. Love is what we live for, but “like” sure make our heart and soul smile a bit more!   

Ok… I have to pause here. Just WOW.  I suppose it didn’t occur to me just how passionate I am on this topic until I checked my word count from this entry. If it’s true content loses reader impact due to length, I’ll have to hit the brakes here momentarily. The last thing I want to do is my readers on this critical topic due to my wordiness. Friends, it’s so important to me that this world gain more model marriages. Our children and our future so desperately need you to fight for your relationship with our spouse. Like Whitney Houston sings, “I believe the children are our future…” and I believe a healthy home life and marriage can do so much for the foundation of today’s youth. I could write so much more on each of the ten points above and below, but I hope you can at least apply what I shared so far to the betterment of your marriage. Surely one if not several of my future books will be written to minister to marriage because husbands and wives, I am fighting for you!

I will keep the remainder more concise for reach-ability by leaving my final points open ended, with the exception of number 10 (basically a reiteration of number one – because it’s so important). I would love for you to read each point and apply it to your story. Share in the comments your thoughts if you wish. I would love to hear your examples. And of course, let me know if you’d like me to expand on any of them in a future post, cause friends, I’ve got stories! 

4. Marriage Getaways allow you to refuel. You’re tired. You need a break. You deserve it. Afterall, if you don’t take care of you, you’re good for no one…

5. Memories strengthen friendship… Marriage Getaways create amazing bonding memories… 

6. Dream of your future together… Marriage Getaways allow you to enjoy dreaming together. Remember the kids will be gone someday and it’ll just be the two of you..

7. Marriage Getaways are an Example to your kids and others… The world needs more marriage role models… 

8. Marriage Getaways give you Something to look forward to… when life is monotonous and hard… 

9. Marriage Getaways help you Appreciate your kids more… and your home and life. Reflection and absence makes the heart grow fonder…

10. You can’t afford not to. I felt the need to finish with how I started because it’s the bottom line. Friends, don’t wait till it’s too late. Find the money, find the time, find the help to make it happen. Drop the pride, drop the excuses. If you want to stay married (happily at least), look at getting away with your spouse as a need. As marriage insurance. Don’t wait for your spouse to plan it. If it has to be you, go for it, my friend! You got this! It’s usually me, but he loves the reward, and so does our relationship! 

Now… go have a fantastic time! You’re worth it!

P.S. My hope is that words of comfort and encouragement reach others. If you feel so inspired, I would be very honored if you would click “SHARE” below, so your friends can receive this message. 

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