My heart is pounding as I type… in less than two hours the volume will be turned up much louder in my house and once again I won’t be able to hear myself think, so forgive me if this entry ends abruptly. What I’m saying is that my older three kids will return home from a three-day lake getaway with their cousins and grandparents, and the peace will break. I committed last week to a follow up story from “Date Your Kids” week in our house, and if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s not following through with what I “said” I would do. I may not always have perfect timing – my optimistic “I can get one more thing done in my spare five minutes” sometimes delays my arrival – but I will show up like I said I would!
I also feel it’s important to write this message while my kids have not yet returned because as the old-saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. The loving words I have to say about my little angels will no doubt flow smoother before they come in the house and start bickering and talking back this afternoon, leaving me looking for sitters to escape the madness and frustration. I hope by now, you’re learning my sense of humor, by the way! Honest to God, I love my five kids with all my heart. You might recall I’m a God first, then husband, then kids kind of girl, but my love runs deep and wide and to eternity for each of their sweet souls. All five of them!
Speaking of kids being away with grandparents, and since my devotional this morning was focused on gratitude, I have to give them a shout out! I have to say, my kids have the BEST grandparents! My parents took my daughter on an adventure of a lifetime for her 10th Birthday to New York last week as they do for each of their grandkids. And then there’s my in-laws, who have been taking their grandkids to the Lake every summer right about the time when I’m about to pull my hair out from the noise that never fades in the summer. I know, I know, I’m so lucky, and I’ll miss it someday. You’re right, I will no doubt! But, I’m pretty sure I’ll also never forget when you’re in the throws of those years (and there are, remember, FIVE children in my house all day, all summer) that everyone needs a break to breathe before they suffocate even on the good things. But, truly, I am so grateful to have family around to help. Not sure how I’d manage sometimes without them! So Mom, Dad, Mary and John, thank you! You’re a blessing to this Mom who has been able to keep her sanity because of you!
As a mom, I had all the feels of summer last week. It was intense, it was awesome, it was fulfilling, and it was exhausting. You know what that’s like?! I bet you do! That’s parenting. And if you have the privilege to be at home with your kids in the summer when they are off school, you get a supersized dose of this exhausting awesomeness. I’m not going to lie, I preplan all kinds of summer activities because I know the kids get stir crazy and drive me and each other wild in the process. It seems like a brilliant idea until you feel busier than you did in the school year, and you have to remind yourself, you planned this! You wanted this! Last week was the one week I had close to nothing planned, so it seemed the perfect week for Mike to take a week off work so I could have some reinforcement. You know someone to change the poopy diapers and break up childish fights, and an adult to commiserate with. This was the week my oldest daughter would be leaving halfway through to New York, but that doesn’t count as one less disturbance, she just so happens to by my peacemaker child (God love her!).
If you read my blog last week (read it here), I shared this would also be the week we would be taking the kids out on “dates”. This would be an experience to spend time with each child, one-on-two, without sibling distractions. The hope was for memories and traditions in the making that they’d be sure to cherish, to pass down to their kids, all the while being reminded how much their individual and unique little souls were valued by their Mom and Dad.
One of the things that stood out to me the most was the reminder of how different they truly are. I’ve always known this, but when you spend time alone with each, you really have the opportunity to put your 100% focus on each and see to the depth of their heart and character, the uniqueness of their soul, without the distraction of a selfish sibling trying to steal the show. I say that with all the love, but it’s true, so often they seem to try to talk over each other or one-up one another for recognition. They are starved for attention those poor deprived children of mine! …not really!
Before I share how each date went, I’ll let you know, they were not super lengthy high-class “fancy” dates. About this time in the summer the fun budget is non existent and we’re closing our eyes when we check the credit card statement – but hey, we’re experience people, remember! It’s worth it! Really though, the purpose was not to spoil each child to show them how much we love them. The purpose was to get to know them better and show them with love. Words, hugs, quality time, all eyes on them saying, “right now, you are the most important person in the world.” WHO does not want that? Save your fancy limos and expensive champagne. I want all of you, without your cell phone, looking in my eyes with a smile and sincere words of affirmation. THAT was the purpose…
Abigail was first. Because she’d be leaving mid-week we wanted to get to her first, otherwise we’d have to draw straws because you know, nothing’s fair with siblings, EVER! We started at Old Navy. This girls LOVES to shop! It blows my mind actually. Yet another reminder that kids don’t learn everything from their parents, because Mike and I despise shopping. Sorry ladies, it’s true, maybe I’m weird but I’d rather watch a football game! But, Abigail was in her element. You know what that’s like to see one of your kids in their element? They smile, A LOT, I think their voice pitch even changes, I think I saw a twinkle from her eye! Ok, not literally but I should have. She even giggled trying on different shirts with joy! It was sensational! So I realized, I do like to shop – when I’m with this girl. She can take something that has no joy and bring it to life for me! It’s magic!
The date would’ve been priceless stopping there, but her lunch choice was Olive Garden and it did get even better. All three of us sat on one side of the booth with our almost 10-year-old sandwiched between us and only allowed the phone out for 10 seconds to take the obligatory selfie for memory sake. The smiles continued as we played the word search together on the kids menu, and couldn’t resist the opportunity to tell her how proud we are of her and how much joy her kind spirit brings to our family. We meant it, and she was beaming. I have no doubt she’ll never forget these dates. I know I won’t.
Will was next. This one was a little interesting. In some ways I felt like it didn’t go quite as well as the girls did, but as I’ve said before, I’m learning to trust God in the details of life and I think there was more gained than I actually realized during his date. You see, this just so happened to be the day he got his braces put on. I thought if we did dinner that night he wouldn’t be in pain yet, but this time… Mom fail! The truth is, when we are in physical pain, everything is a little harder. Harder to be joyful, harder to be grateful, harder to make conversation, harder to smile and because his teeth were so sore, harder to eat of course. I will say, between dinner, shoe shopping and the DQ Blizzard, that ice-cream treat was what he most enjoyed on the date – no surprise! I think Mike and I did too.
Dinner conversation at the chosen local bar and grill was tough. I felt like I was on a first date where the guy isn’t even interested and you just need to come up with enough shallow questions to get you through until the server finally brings the check. The reality is though, this is the way it is with pre teens sometimes – teeth hurting or not. They don’t always want to talk and as parents we have to try really hard to open them up. It was still important for us that night to say, and for him to hear, that we love him and are proud of him. We also asked specifics about friends and school, and though the answers were more like grunts and shrugs, he needs to know we care and that when he’s ready, he can share with us.
This type of shallow conversation pretty much consumed the whole date, until the end. Before we headed home, we stopped at Walgreens for ibuprofen to soothe his pain, and knowing our time was almost over, I couldn’t settle for a night without something with a little more depth. So I said a little silent prayer, turned around toward the backseat and with all the love and sincerity I could muster, I said “Will, what makes you smile?” To which he responded, “Being happy makes me smile.” We both laughed. The most genuine smile from him all night. Then he went on… “not being in pain makes me smile” Ouch! Ok, I get it my fault, bad night choice. “Trying new things makes me smile. Having fun, being with friends, new adventures…” He was opening up and we were finally getting somewhere – score!
Though I was earlier a little bummed and would have loved to have seen the same joy I saw in his sister on her date, deep down I do know he felt the love. I was assured at the end of that night when we tucked him in to bed and he said “thank you Mom and Dad, I really had a great time. Thank you for the shoes and all that you do for me.” Sometimes it doesn’t take much to tug at your heartstrings when it comes to your kids. This date was yet another reminder not to compare my kids. And in reality, I just wanted to get to know Will a little better and have the chance to remind him too, how special he is. I think in the end, it was a success!
Last but not least was Kaitlyn. Our “baby girl”. Even though she’s now the middle of five, I still like to call her that because she was the “baby” for seven full years and I just can’t break that bond. We loved all our dates, but being that she’s the youngest, we got to be kids for a few hours ourselves with her date choice, and that was thrilling! I said I got loads smiles out of Abigail on our shopping/lunch date, but the laughter out of Kaitlyn was infectious and contagious as we rode go-carts and other indoor arcade rides and games. “Surf’s Up” was the reason for this chosen destination. Let me tell you, “Surf’s Up” belongs in a full-blown amusement park, and it’s a good thing our girl was smart enough to request lunch after the ride or I would have been concerned the food wouldn’t have stayed down. But she was elated!
As soon as she buckled her seatbelt on our way down the driveway, so yelled, “I’ve been waiting for this for SIX DAYS!” That was when we had announced our “dates” plan. You’d think she’d been counting the days for six years with her expressive enthusiasm. This girl has a real zest for life! She loves excitement, the thrills, the fun… let me just say, I think we’ll be in trouble with this one as a teenager. But she’s sweet, spunky and so much fun at eight! She reached out and we walked hand in hand as we approached Malibu Jacks through the parking lot. She couldn’t contain her excitement! I love that she wants to hold hands still. If you read my earlier passage about “The day my son stopped needing me,” you’ll remember how much it broke my heart when Will decided at eight that holding his mom’s hand in Disney was not necessary, not cool and he was actually done with such PDA anyway. Yes, Kaitlyn we’ll hold your hand, just never stop. Oh I wish that was possible?! We finished at her favorite, the Golden Arches, and by the end, she must have grabbed our hands simultaneously and leaned in for a hug 50 times throughout – all hearts full that day for sure!
It was more evident than ever what I had believed to be the case, that she adored this time. And, honestly, I feel like that’s an understatement. What is it about these kids that they LOVE this one-on-one time. I suppose it’s just as simple as our own desires to feel loved, to feel appreciated, to be known, to be understood, and to be the center of someone’s world. We really do all want that, don’t we?
In the end, the very reason we planned this was the very thing we were reminded of when reflecting after all three dates. Your kids are all different. They are each so uniquely made with varying differences that make them the beautiful creation God intended. And though similar in ways, they are different from you too. And this is a good thing. Get to know them. It’s apparent it may take some digging at times, and then other times it will be so obvious the words or actions they need to be spoken to their individual souls. It does take some time, but not always a lot. Quality over quantity, friends. And don’t let money be an obstacle. The greatest memory with Will was our talk in the car while his Dad was in Walgreens. One or my favorite moments with Kaitlyn was walking hand in hand down through the parking lot. And with Abigail, it was the bonding crossword puzzles at lunch!
It doesn’t take much to make a big impact. In our case all it took was a quick announcement to the kids that we were going to take them solo “somewhere.” Try that! I promise you’ll end of doing it, because they will be so excited they won’t let you forget about it! …And it will be so worth it. At the end of each date they were already talking about what we’d do next summer for their outing.
Note to Self: Invest in your kids individually. The return on your time spent will pay you and your kids back exponentially…Special and priceless moments!
P.S. I hear the garage door, the kids have returned home, and I got to you just in time! Writing about each precious personality makes me excited to hug them all! Go hug yours! Until next time friends…
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