He excused himself from the table, but held my loving gaze as he disappeared through the restroom door. Another Valentine’s date with Michael, and I was genuinely growing more grateful for my husband with each passing year. 

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Though, before this mushy heart could settle, my attention abruptly shifted to a quiet, yet mysterious, table adjacent ours. They were an attractive polished mid-30’s couple, dining in eerie hushed stillness. She stared downward wearing the facade of focusing only on the next bite of salad she would take. He was planted upright and tense, while his eyes strategically skimmed the dim room making sure to avoid eye contact with a sole – especially her. 

Ouch! With a dull twinge in my gut, my stomach sank to the pit of my sad heart. It was a cold scene. But I can’t lie. One that I, no doubt, had once played a role in myself. 

“What was it for them?” I wondered. A pointless pop-up disagreement before the waters were even delivered? (Been there!) Maybe weeks of busy schedules and distance that a night out was not meeting the hope of reconnecting. Or, was I witnessing years of a love lost in unmet expectations, harsh words, and seemingly unforgivable disappointments… And this was merely a check box of final attempts to rekindle a marriage that had fresh divorce papers waiting to be signed. Oh please… not that! 

Whatever it was, I could feel the hurt, and see the reflection of bottled up words exuding ice cold bitterness. 

Mike returned, and warm relief swept over the chill in my memory of our own date-night flops. I couldn’t help but reach across the table for his familiar hand, and smile with a confidence of love that finally learned. 

How I perceive this story…

She was missing love from him. He was missing the love he wanted from her. They both felt slighted. It was lonely. For both of them.

But, she desperately dreamt of a love that fulfilled. And he too, deep down, just wanted to know he was treasured.

So, what does that really look like? A love that fulfills and fully satisfies our longing? He says he loves her, but she says it’s not enough. And likewise, what does he expect her to “do” that she’s not doing?

What’s the fix?

What if the two could get it right? What if we could all finally get it right? And save love that ends up lost. Get it right, and find and receive that love we so deeply crave?

And what would your life look like if you actually did receive the completeness of love that you long for? Would it change the way you lived? Would it then change the way you loved him, if only he could find a way to make you “feel” fully loved? …Well, sure it would! You’d be full of it! Literally! And then, maybe he’d receive his share too. If you could just get him to love you the way you need, you’d be able to give him what he needs. Ta-da! It would be harmonious! Sounds like a fantasy fairy tale, huh? 

Well you’re right. Probably. No, for sure… Because you and I both know, we have zero control over his actions. Or anyone’s really. It’s true. If you haven’t figured that out yet, I’m not sure how you’ve avoided it. But it’s coming, sister!  It didn’t matter how right I thought I was, or how right or justified you claim you are, in the end, the only person you have control to change – is YOU. 

So guess what that meant for me? Starting with ME. Or… starting over with me. 

Work on you…

Regardless of the daunting request list I came up with, how he could better love and serve our relationship, the only change that ever seemed to evolve into his outward displays of love, came indirectly from changes in …ME. Same for you, friend. You want things to change? Time to get to work! When I understood that working on me would benefit me, that’s when everything changed. 

Really, what if you could make all the difference in your relationships too?

In general, the better you love others, the better the ones you serve will live. And the better they’ll love. And if you just so happen to live around them, guess what?  The better you live. And more loved!

Only God can change “them”…

What if it’s the only shot you have getting this love thing right? Yes, You! God has them covered. Pray for your person. But, the hard truth is, only God can truly change their heart. And maybe He’s not ready to change their heart. Maybe. Maybe He wants to refine yours a bit first. But, more importantly, maybe He wants to remind you that it’s not that person’s job to give you perfect love in the first place. Maybe He wants you to truly understand there is only one true love that will fill your empty cup. GOD’s love. 

The true source of perfect Love…

It took me a few too many years to understand that my husband would fall short of filling me to the brim with all the love I wanted to consume me. And this was by God’s design for our good, by the way. HE wants to be the “main man!” But, I finally learned (and no lie, have to keep reminding myself), if I want more, I must seek it from God, the only source that was ever intended to fully fill and satisfy my heart.

And friends, here’s the beauty… When you’re filled with God’s love – because it never ends – if you keep allowing Him to fill your cup, it can’t help but overflow. And, overflow it will, onto those all around you. Onto those in your house. Onto your husband. Your kids, your friends, or even the family member or coworker that you can’t seem to find common ground with. Imagine it…

This truly is the key… Stop looking beside you for the love that fulfills, and Look up.

Look up dear friend, and let God’s love fill you up so incredibly much.

So much that you can’t help but pour it relentlessly out onto others.

Then you just watch! …How people around you are blessed. How those you invest in are filled with infectious love… And, how it spills then back out… right toward you.

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