“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” …A framed sign with these words remains in my parents’ house to this day, with the year “1984” hand-written on the back. That’s 35 years, y’all! 35 years and I never noticed it was there. Until I did… Just a couple weeks ago, I was sitting at my parents’ house doing what I love to do during my designated quiet time away from the kids on Monday mornings. I love to read. I absolutely get filled and energized when I read stories of other people’s wins and losses, trials and triumphs. I love to plant little seeds of wisdom in my mind for those moments that I’ll need to bring them for use to the present of my life.

My parents just so happened to be on a two-week adventure in Italy when I decided my quiet place would be a comfy chair in their living room that morning. I typically spend this time at a local coffee shop, but for some reason, on this particular day, I wanted to try something new.

As I closed out a chapter of Rachel Hollis’ latest book, I drifted off into space and there it was. “The most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother” …Where did that come from?! I LOVE that! Had that always been there? You know what? I think it has! I recognize that navy blue border and old brass frame. But, you know, I definitely never noticed what was written on it. But, how awesome is that? How awesome that my parents put that on display in their home for all three of their kids to see for all their years in the home. But you know what is even more awesome about that saying? It’s that I know, and have known with confidence, that this means something to my parents. That that statement holds great significance in their marriage, family and home. The truth is, it may have been a symbol of a value they held, but I didn’t need a sign to remind me that my Dad loved my Mom.

And to take it a step farther, I knew my Dad thought she was #1 in our house. I didn’t realize how much that security meant to me until I started to grow up. Partially because, you know, you just get used to what you have, you even start to expect it, and you really don’t realize how much it means to you. Especially to your 7-year-old self that’s mostly into when she can have her next after-school play date, or your 9-year-old brother who’s into how many kids in the neighborhood he can gather together in his backyard that day for a game of wiffle ball or kickball. They likely aren’t discussing in their free time how happy they are that Dad loves Mom so much. That would just be weird!

Next thing you know, you start to enter more independent years and life starts to get a little more real. In middle school and high school, you have the unfortunate experience of witnessing friends whose parents go through a divorce, or whose parents fight all the time, or whose Dad talks demeaningly to the Mom in such a way no one should stand for. And I tell you what! This stuff about breaks your heart and even starts to create some fear of “what if my parents’, or “I can’t imagine”, and “I just can’t go there”. Then you begin to realize how immensely grateful you are for the steady love you have felt stabilizing you at times, now that you’re really starting to struggle with some real life stuff. You need this! You crave this! And with all the other junk that crumbles down around you in these tough teenage and then the disastrous (for me) college years, you would absolutely break if that ever happened to you or your family.

And then a few more years pass, and you move from just being grateful you had the solid ground, to a place where this relationship and love is something that you admire and it becomes something you strive to find for your future spouse. You’re now in your twenties and you start thinking, I sure hope I can marry someone that loves me like Dad loves Mom. Isn’t that something we want for our kids? Don’t we hope that if they do decide someday to get married, that it will be to someone who loves them so very much. Someone who loves them like you do, for who they are. Someone who loves them more than anyone else on this earth. I know I would! I have four daughters and a son, and boy, I hope they seek someone like that!

I know how fortunate I was to be raised by one exceptional father. In fact, my mom is just as amazing, but since it’s almost Father’s Day I’m sure she’ll understand if I dote on him this time! You know I love you, Mom! Not only did the love my dad displayed for my mom ground me in a stability that I could rely on until I found my own strong foundation… But this active love he showed also gave me a standard for the type of man I would look for in a husband, and someday the father of my children. What I find so fascinating is that if I followed through, this example and standard has the potential to be passed on and greatly multiplied for generations to come. And I have FIVE kids! Talk about a legacy! You better believe I think we can make our mark on this world, folks! Do you see where I’m going with this?! I love the idea of growing goodness to this level in a world that so desperately needs it!

So I mentioned the importance and desire of having stability until I found my own solid foundation. The truth is… I would likely disappoint my parents if I didn’t tell you a very key piece of information on this topic. VERY key! It was no doubt evident they tried to make sure their kids knew how committed they were and how much they loved each other. BUT, even though the sign said the “most” important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother…I know this was NOT a complete or adequate representation of what they held to be of “most” importance in all reality. Yes, it was a statement of their high regard for the idea, but, I know, hands down they would not say this is the most important thing. I believe if I asked them, what do they really think is the most important thing they can do for us, my parents would say something along the lines of this… “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love God. Then next, to that love their mother.” I believe this, because this is what I have strongly witnessed in my almost 40 years. And for this I am the MOST grateful. This became my solid ground. Now, regardless of what happens in my time, I have the foundation of a secure love that I can not escape. And my parents can rest assured knowing that someday when they leave the earth, I will be ok, because THAT is where my foundation and stability lies.  That has to be one awesome feeling as a parent!

Oh, and my favorite person! How could I possibly speak about fathers and not mention the father of my five beautiful kids. He gets a standing ovation from me, right here, right now! This girl – #1 fan! Seriously, after a rocky road to find each other, I got the BEST! They say, you marry your dad someday and I totally did! They are both great! I guarantee if you asked each of my kids (well maybe just three since the twins can’t talk yet). But, if you asked them who Dad loves most at home… they’d probably first role their eyes for all the times they had to watch him steal kisses, but then they’d smile and say “Mom.” For sure, “Mom.” And I LOVE that! I love that they know their dad loves their mom! I know how that made me feel as a kid. It’s that security they subconsciously crave at a young age. Dads, if you aren’t sure your kids would say the same, it’s not too late! They need to know and want to know! And I think it’ll make them better for it someday too. And if for some reason you aren’t with their mom anymore, by all means speak highly of her. She’s their mom and no matter what, they love her!

I am so grateful for my dad and my husband for being so stinkin’ awesome! And I’m thankful for all the other dads out there who aren’t afraid to drop the ego, humble themselves and make sure their kids know how much they love and are grateful for the woman who brought those kids into the world. I realize not all parents are able to raise both children together, and not all children are fortunate enough to have both parents present throughout their growing years.

In fact, Father’s Day is coming and for many it’s more of a sad occasion than anything. Many have had to deal with some sort of difficult loss or sad occurrence that makes nothing about the day joyful. For those of you… I’m so sorry. I really am.

But for some of you, I want to leave you with a story that might offer some comfort. Our pastor recently shared about a boy whose dad left him and his family when he was only 9-years-old. Just up and left! The boy is now 16, and what struck me as so inspiring about this story, is that the boy is not broken because of the mess he was left with. He is secure in a love he found not from an earthly father, but from a God he knew as his heavenly Father. He believed the most important father/son relationship he could ask for was his relationship with this Father. To him this relationship came with a love he was confident would never fail or leave him. The boy went on to spend time serving at father/son events to encourage the bond of the relationship of young boys and their dads, something that he would never have. And it brought him great joy. I love how this boy used his story and pain to serve others and turn it into good. Though he may not see his dad on this Father’s Day, and may have a scar left behind because of it, he’s using his pain to help others. How cool is that?   

My parents were a great example and went to great lengths to show us love and security. I hope my kids say the same about me and Mike someday, I really, really do. And I hope you have good secure memories too. But regardless if your past or even your current story don’t quite look like you would’ve dreamed up, you have the power to change how you view the story and how it is shared with others. Know there can be purpose in your pain AND your victories, and both can be used for good for others.

And if you are blessed enough to have a father who you look up to, a husband who you know loves you and is a great role model for your children, I hope you thank him this Father’s Day. And to those great dads who work so hard to be that anchor for their families everyday I want to wish you a Happy Father’s Day! Thank you for the love you give your children and to the love you display for their mom.