(Audio Version Also Available Here.)

What is it that drives you crazy about yourself? I don’t mean your hair that, viola, became dull and thin after baby number two, or the thickening waistline that may or may not have something to do with your struggle with late night snacks or simply making it “over the hill.” I’m talking about something different. What is it that drives you crazy about the inside?

Is it the way you get angry with your kids and yell in frustration over just about anything these days? And maybe because you are dealing with your own issues with your self-inflicted (yep, I said it) overwhelming schedule.

Does it drive you crazy that you have no willpower or self-discipline to finally make the choice to get healthy? Or start that daily devotional? Both which you know would change your life drastically for the better. Geez!

Do you struggle with pride, and you can’t stand that about yourself? Too proud to encourage or congratulate someone else when they receive an honor, because deep down you envy their drive and ambition, that you can’t seem to find.

Maybe you’re eaten alive with insecurities that make you jealous or obsess over the way you look…

Or what about this… It drives you absolutely bonkers the way you can’t avoid every winter getting down and depressed for no apparent reason. This girl has her hand up in the air! Yep, that’s me! 

Everyone has things that drive them crazy about themselves. Things they desperately wish they could change. Things they really struggle to change.

The awesome thing is, God uses our struggles and weaknesses to show us His strength. He uses your weaknesses for good and for a beautiful redemption story. A story that will serve a great purpose for you and for other people. 

Here’s what seems to happen… Believe it or not, when this thing drives you crazy enough, you’ll want to change it. Am I right? It’s likely very miserable for you. It was for me… 

Last winter was a really rough one. It’s almost embarrassing to admit. It seemed from the outside I had everything. Great house, great husband, five great kids… everyone was good, everyone was healthy… yet I struggled. Maybe it was postpartum, maybe a lack of sunshine, maybe just that I felt like a prisoner in my own house some dreary days. A slave to nursing twin babies? Maybe? Some would notice how blessed I was. My head knew that. And I would thank God every day – I would. But I couldn’t get me head to wake up my heart, and to shake the blues. 

It drove me crazy! Why couldn’t I be happy? The frustration made me more depressed. There was no way I was going to resort to medication. “I am stronger than that,” I thought. I tried to pray my way out of it, but it didn’t seem to work.

And then I caved.

I am determined and persistent, but not too stubborn to accept help when I’m desperate. If my doctor, whom I trusted, thought a low-dose antidepressant could get me through with a little more joy, just temporarily, I should feel no shame. Friends, neither should you. And so I did. I gave it shot…

And… a month later… I felt worse. 

Not that I was going for a quick fix, because I swear I read and prayed… for hours, for days, and months. But maybe not enough?? I was totally bummed the medication didn’t work because I really wanted to feel better.  But, I also realized I hadn’t exhausted all of the other options. Options that just might take a little bit more work, a little more patience, and a little more digging in. 

Christian Therapy? It sounded great, but how in the world was a part-time working mom of five, with a full time working husband going to find time to go to therapy once a week? It would be a three hour round trip! Not only that, I couldn’t justify spending the money on myself, or putting others out just to take care of lil’ ole me. That’s another weakness of mine! Anyone? 

Thank God for good friends who nudged, and nudged, and pushed. So I went. And guess what, this is where the breakthrough started to happen.

Long story short, these meetings started to work on my heart… and led me to journaling… which led me to more writing. Combined with my persistent crave to read and learn, the light bulb went off shortly after to bring my first book to be by way of a blog.

Journaling was absolutely therapy for me. Try it friends! God knew I needed this more than I needed any medication. I’ve never experienced audible direction from God, but the call in my heart that followed felt as clear as words. The desire inside to share my personal stories in honest transparency for the hope of inspiring someone else, was unstoppable. Someone else who maybe needed a little help, a little uplifting, a little purpose. Just like me.

I wasn’t sure what would become of it, I still don’t, but I am sure of one thing. Just the few people who have said these words have helped, inspired, or blessed them, has likely helped me more and given me more purpose than anyone. 

It’s in the digging in to what you struggle with the most, and finding a way to begin to overcome it, that you find a victory and a purpose. 

I have learned the very things that drive me crazy about myself, my weaknesses, have lead me to great purpose. It’s obvious that your strengths lead you. But combine strengths with a developing resolution to something you struggle with… this combo gives you a fire to do something that will in turn have a huge impact on you and you can’t help but share others. 

There’s one thing you definitely shouldn’t do… Don’t beat yourself up over it. I did that. I just wanted to wish it away. And I sulked a lot wondering what was wrong with me. Nothing was wrong with me! Nothing is wrong with you either. God knew what he was doing when he allowed that struggle. Dig in to your struggles. Ask for help, pray for help, keep searching for answers. Don’t give up. Keep hope that your quest to overcome will be what propels you to find purpose and strength in the very thing that you think makes you weak.

God wants to create a beautiful story with your life. One that will serve you and so many others. You are a beautiful creation my friend.

 (Audio Version Also Available Here.)

P.S. My hope is that words of inspiration and encouragement reach others. If you feel so inspired, I would be very honored if you would click “SHARE” below, so your friends can receive this message. 

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