Today is my daughter’s 10th Birthday. And… I’m flat exhausted! Well, let’s be honest, Keri… you’re always exhausted. Kind of goes with the “I have five kids” territory. Two being in diapers, one in middle school and two in between. Parenting is busy! Amen!? I feel like I have 10 hands in 20 things at all times, but the problem is I only have two hands. It’s madness! You feel me!?

And guess what I volunteered to do tonight? Host a party of 11 ten-year-old girls for a DIY birthday party. What was I thinking!? I know what I was thinking. I was thinking “No way am I spending $5000 on some fancy pants birthday party with catering, ponies, bouncy houses, magicians and a live band to entertain a ton of tiny people who won’t remember the name of girl who’s birthday it was in five years from now.” So instead, this Pinterest-foreign mom, who just so happens to know what a budget is, decided to get creative (but cheap) so her oldest daughter could have a special experience with her friends. AND, would someday think her mom was super awesome for coming up with such a great idea! All worth it, right? 

There’s only one problem. This mom just so happens to be a perfectionist and can’t stand to pay for the smallest thing full price when it’s available somewhere else cheaper. What happened next you ask? This simple DIY party has cost me a full 40 hour work week of time planning and strategizing all the details! Whew! I can’t help it – I just don’t know how to halfway do things. So, I’ll commit to “Simple,” then add my perfectionist nature and you get everything BUT that. You get way too complicated! But these girls are going to have some cute flip flops and cork boards to take home, that’s for sure. Even if I do crash head down into one of the DIY sundaes before it’s over. Which, by the way, I had to get the perfect toppings for the sundaes, of course. SO many decisions! Have you seen those precious little waffle bowls for sundaes?? No one will ever forget the cuteness of their ice cream creation with sour patch kids and chocolate syrup in those. Ok, maybe not that combo. That’s got to be gross! 

But listen! Friends, if you have thousands of dollars laying around for every birthday for each of your kids, more power to you! Skip the hassle and GO BIG! I wish I were you right now. I’m 100% spent with all the details and the party hasn’t even started. Sure sounds nice to have someone swoop in and throw a magical party and come clean it up two hours later, you know! I could just sit back and smile and take pictures of the blessed event. Sounds lovely!

And then some of you don’t mess with the party thing at all. Now THIS is what I’m talking about! I recently read Breaking Busy, by Alli Worthington – God bless her – and she said she gives her kids an option. It’s either “presents” or a “party”. ABSOLUTE GENIUS! She too has five kids and is like, “I’m not doing it!” Girl, I’m almost there. 

Ok, time to fess up! I really can’t brag about not going overboard. Sure, my stellar DIY party might cost less than $150 top to bottom, but did I mention we definitely didn’t forget several birthday presents for our deprived child! OH! Aaaand…we’re having a 2nd party for her with mine and my husband’s entire family in two days! I can’t believe I’m admitting this. And to think, I have the nerve to talk about parents who “over do it” for their kids. I’m a mess! 

What’s wrong with us? We confused individuals stuck in this society of bowing down to children. We are all so afraid we’re going to mess these kids up if we don’t dote on them and make sure they know how much they are loved and valued. And we think we have to run ourselves ragged and spend a bajillion dollars to prove it. Really!? In a comparison age of social media standards where everyone is posting their fancy parties and the latest “awesome parent” thing they just did. I get it! I fall in the trap too. Suzie over here, is like, “Look at all the presents “The Easter Bunny” brought to little Jimmy!” And my kids are like, “Hey wait a minute, we don’t get that!” So I explain there must be some confusion and then make a mental note to step it up next year. Geez! No pressure or anything friends on Facebook! And don’t get me started with the dang Elf on a shelf. Pure ridiculousness! I’m waiting for it. It’ll be Halloween this year, and some “one upper” out there is going to post on Instagram the early return of Bobby the Elf. Please just, NO!

So where does all this child idolism leave us? Where does it leave our kids? Happier? That’s the goal, right? But are they really happier? Are we, parents, happier? I can answer that and I bet you can too! …NO WAY! In fact, one could argue that kids were actually much happier in the previous generation when life was simpler. And I can guarantee you parents were probably happier too. My family lived modestly with simple birthday parties with either a slip-n-slide in the back yard or a makeup party.  And there was no social media for my mom to have any clue her rich friend from highschool had ponies and limos at her daughter’s birthday. Lucky her!

Here’s what was cool… because I never had that fancy stuff, when I stepped into my first limo at the age of 18, I had the time of my life and it felt so special. Now my kids take limos to the city swim meet of all things, every single year! Come senior prom, they’ll need a helicopter escort to be impressed! And that’s what happens. The more they get early on, the more they become numb to the excitement, the more they want – earlier and earlier. I think that’s why weddings are so out of control these days. People invest hundreds of thousands of dollars and put so much emphasis on having this picturesque wedding. But, then they won’t spend 100 bucks on a marriage counselor when the marriage suffers because most people put more into the wedding than they do the actual marriage. It’s so sad. Mark my words, I’m not doing it! Well, partially because I have four daughters so I would have to sell my house to have one of those over the top weddings, but regardless, I think it’s insane!

So what do we do about it? I’ve been asking myself this a lot lately, in the midst of my self-induced stress. I don’t believe It’s good to “spoil” my kids. But, defining “spoiling” your kids is hard. I know this though, if…  1. You are continually spending tons of money you “don’t have” on activities just for the sake of your child’s “happiness”. And… 2. If these things are leaving your energy completing drained…  You might be approaching an unhealthy level of spoiling. And, it might be time to take a step back and ask yourself a few reflecting questions. 

1. Can I afford this?

2. Do I have the time for this?

3. Do I have the mental and emotional energy? (Because remember, if you don’t take care of you, you’re good for no one.)

4. What value will this add to their future character and well being?

If you answer “no” to 1-3 or any of them really, but you feel strongly in your answer to number 4, lastly ask yourself this… Is there an “alternative” to what I’d like to do that would still add value and communicate the love I have for my child? An alternative that might also in the process teach them a good lesson and be a positive impact on their well being? An alternative that wouldn’t drain every penny and the life out of you, that would actually leave you with an ounce of energy for the emotional support your people need. I can guarantee you there are other options.

The trouble is, if you’ve been going BIG for years, it’s likely going to be tough to tone it down a notch. But there’s no reason you can’t change things up now. Maybe it’s time to have a discussion about moderation and explain the “why” behind it to your kids. They could use a good life lesson chat every once and while anyway! If they are only five and just stare at you or worse cry when you tell them they only get three presents instead of ten this year, it’s ok! Remind them how much you love them and surely by the time they are teenagers they’ll forget! If they are any younger, don’t sweat the response at all. They’ll forget before the next holiday hits! Older? They ought to be mature enough to understand your reasoning. I’m not saying they’ll like it. They may still throw a fit, remember they are used to you going BIG. It will take a while to adjust, but they’ll thank you later. I thank my parents now for where they were moderate, don’t you?!

The bottom line, our kids need to be loved and nurtured. And they need our presence more than they need to be spoiled or need our presents! So let’s try to give them what they truly need. 

So, while I thought the DIY party was not “going BIG” because I am not spending a crazy amount of money, I definitely ending up spending a crazy amount of time and energy I didn’t have and this is only party number 1. But, lesson learned! And, I know I have no one to blame but myself… and ok, social media I guess! Ha! Kidding! But all kidding aside, I’m going to give myself a little grace. And friends, you should too. LOTS of grace actually. This parenting stuff aint easy. Parenting is SUCH a work in progress, isn’t it? I’ll be a pro by the time the twins are 10, ya think? 😉

Maybe we should make a pact, friends. What if we all pay more attention to areas we can invest in our kid’s heart and soul with our words, with our example, and by just being there? Can we try to cut back on the feeling that if we don’t give them every lavish party and holiday that they won’t be happy and won’t be complete? Because it’s just not the case. 

What matters most to me as an adult is that my parents loved me as a child, that they taught me to love God, and that they prepared me to be an adult of good character that could teach my kids to do the same. In the future, how about we invest more in that, friends? The future generations will thank us for it, I’m sure of it! Otherwise they’ll mock us for creating a generation of youth with high expectations where nothing is ever enough because they had “seen it all” and “done it all” before they even got to high school. Truth?! 

But through it all, please give yourself some grace! I promise I will. The last thing we need is more judgement in this rat race, that’s for sure. Just keep trying to get better as you go! And for me, for now, I have a BIG party to host! Ha! Cheers to a fun DIY party tonight! Wish me luck! Good luck to all of you, good friends!

P.S. My hope is that words of comfort and encouragement reach others. If you feel so inspired, I would be very honored if you would click “SHARE” below, so your friends can receive this message. 

AND… So you don’t miss my next weekly blog post, enter your email address at the very bottom of this page below at “Sign Up for New Blog Post Notifications” to receive my next entry of inspiration! (Note: I’m doing a $100 Amazon gift card raffle with all subscribers for the first 100!)